For God's Sake!
by walkthrough
Summary: Everyone knows Edward Elric was a bookworm and there was not a single library that he hasn’t left unvisited, not a single book left unread. So what happens when he runs out of interesting books to read? Why, he reads the bible of course! RoyxEd


**Summary: **Everyone knows Edward Elric was a bookworm and there was not a single library that he hasn't left unvisited, not a single book left unread. So what happens when he runs out of interesting books to read? Why, he reads the bible of course! RoyxEd as usual although it doesn't come on until the end and the next chapter.

**Author's note: **This plot was fully inspired by yours truly. I was sick of all the books that I kept reading over and over in our house. You thought we could've bought a new book but, nnnnoooooo….Harry Potter just refuses to come out and let me read his epic story! So what does a girl do during a teenager crisis like this? She finds ways to entertain herself and read a book that she rarely reads. What is it, you may ask (if you cared enough)…'Tis the bible my dearies. It's the book that'll take long to finish, even longer than the line when Harry potter 7 is released.

**Disclaimer: **For Pete's sake! I should have this disclaimer section removed this very instant! It reminds me of everything I do NOT own.

**For God's sake!**

Chapter 1

_The day hell froze over_

Bored onyx eyes looked up from a handful of papers that contained the report of a certain stunted height and short tempered blonde subordinate of his. Ed was conveniently seated on the black couch with his feet propped up on the table. The blonde's eyes were moving at an incredible rate as if he was reading something that might lead him to the real philosopher's stone.

That wasn't something that he was actually bothered by but it was a bit unusual to see Edward like that. Of course, he never spent so much time with his subordinate so he didn't know if this was actually the normal speed for Edward to read. At first, Roy had all the silence in the world to focus on the report in front of him until Ed started whispering sentences, maybe even paragraphs from the book. It wasn't that loud but Roy Mustang was a man who valued silence once it was acquired.

A few minutes after, Edward was reduced to silence as he saw it fit to make himself more comfortable. He removed his feet off from the table and had lain himself on the black couch. Roy winced at the sight of some dirt from Ed's platform boots fall on the clean surface of the couch but nevertheless preferred to stay silent and refrain himself from scolding he younger alchemist for improper behavior inside his office (and in front of him) knowing fully well that this would lead to a verbal smack down once again.

The clock turned 10 minutes forward from the time that Ed had made himself feel at home inside Roy's office. 10 minutes had also passed when Roy officially said out loud that Ed was free to leave the office as Roy had already finished reading Ed's report. The blonde though made no move to go and went on reading as if he heard nothing. Ed's eyes were still stuck on that damned black thick book. He didn't mind that Ed was getting dirt and grime on his couch nor did he mind the presence of the Fullmetal alchemist either…

It's the fact that Edward was making his presence known that was getting to Roy's nerves…

"Ok…an angel shows up and tell her that she's pregnant and she suddenly is…" he stopped short, licking his thumb to turn the extremely thin page and continued to rant "What kind of virgin gets pregnant? She's a virgin for Pete's sake!"

Ok, that did it. Fullmetal _has _to leave the office!

"Fullmetal…" Roy said in his stern voice as he got up from his chair and made his way around the desk. "I think I've already given you permission to leave."

Without looking up from the book, Ed replied "So?"

Roy gave him a "What do you think I'm trying to imply" look, al though he was pretty sure Ed couldn't see it just as much as Ed couldn't see the way he was messing up the couch

"So why aren't you leaving yet?"

"Yeah, yeah…after I finish this chapter…" Ed said with a wave of his hand.

"That wasn't a suggestion, Fullmetal that was an order. Seriously, do you even know…wait, that's not the word…do you even _care _that this is _my _office?"

"Geez…I said I'd be leaving after this chapter already!"

"What are you reading anyway?!" Roy inquired with an irritated tone. It wasn't everyday that he saw anything like it.

The book was plain black. Hardly anything about it says that it contained something about the Philosopher's stone. In reference to Ed's loud outburst a moment ago, he doesn't think, and he dares _not _to think that a virgin woman getting pregnant would ever have anything in connection with the stone at all. The text was small, fairly small even in a book. The pages were…well, to put it simply….thin, so thin that the text from the other side can be seen.

"I'm reading the bible…"

Roy noted the embarrassed tone on Ed's voice. It took awhile before the statement sunk in. When it was quite processed inside Roy's brain, he cocked an eyebrow, relatively surprised at the answer his subordinate has given him "The bi….are you…? Is it even…? Am I…?" he gave out a huff "Did I hear it right?"

"What?"

"That you said you were reading the bible?"

"I _am_ reading the bible. What's wrong with that?"

At that moment, Riza entered the room carrying with her a stack of paper work for Roy who was seated at the arm of the couch, massaging his forehead as Ed was conveniently relaxing on the couch. As soon as she set down the paper to replace the other stack that the Colonel had finished she let out a sigh and proceeded to questioning the Colonel trying to create the illusion that she actually cared.

"Do I even want to know, sir?"

"Riza, I…I think…I think I'm coming down with a fever or something."

Riza placed a hand on Roy's forehead and let it stay there for a moment before she was sure she had felt the temperature right. When her hands left his forehead, it immediately ran to her side where her gun was placed "You're not trying to sneak out of work again by pretending to be sick, are you colonel?"

Something in her eyes told him that she doesn't want a yes for an answer "Because you are anything _but _sick."

"Well then…" Roy stood up suddenly, pointing a finger at Ed who seemed oblivious to all of this "Explain this!"

"Edward is lying down on the couch of your office with a black book on his hands while his boots mess up your newly cleaned couch after your niece threw up on it…What's there to explain, colonel?"

"If you stand from there that's what it's going to look like! Look a bit closer!"

"Sir, I see no point in doing this…"

"Just look at him closer! Specially the book! Take a look on its cover…"

Automatically, Edward held the book up for Riza so that she can see what the title of the book was.

"I do believe it says "The Bible", sir."

"Exactly!"

"And? The point of this was?"

"It's Fullmetal, Hawkeye!! It's Edward Elric!! And he's reading the bible!"

Whatever Roy said next Riza never knew. All she remembered was rolling her eyes and giving a small "Tsk" before heading for the door.

"You're right sir. Maybe you _are _sick. Get a half day off. Maybe then you'll feel much better."

She closed the door behind her and looked at each men who were all acting as if they weren't eaves dropping.

"So what was it? Were they making out or what?" asked Jean Havoc

"No" she replied blandly

"Oh man! I was pretty sure they would've been making out by now!" said Jean as he fished out of his pocket 20 dollars and gave it to Falman who was grinning broadly now.

Yet another man had made her roll her eyes and this time made her click her tongue.

"Men…" she said with slight disgust on her tone. Before she could walk out of the HQ, she paused for a moment and looked at the closed door of the office of the Colonel. Breaths, pants and "Roy" or "Ed" was coming from the office and a loud thud of what seemed to be a book dropped on the floor could be heard quite clearly…

"Ed reads the bible?" she mused to herself as she made her way out of the HQ.

To be continued…or not?!

**Author's Note:**

That's the end of a completely useless story. Note to self…NEVER DRINK COFFEE DURING 12 MIDNIGHT! Well, review if you care enough.


End file.
